Pregnancy Journal...25 Weeks

WHAT?!  Where has the time gone?  I'm already 25 weeks pregnant and enjoying every second of it!  I do have one recurring, nagging thought though....this will be my last pregnancy, and that thought is enough to bring me to tears.  I just can't believe that I'm over half way through...it's going way too fast.  I STILL have antibodies in my blood; however, my titer is getting closer and closer to normal.  My titer was 1:1.2, and Dr. Moon suspects that it will only go down from here.  My next OB appointment I have my glucose screening test done, and she will check the antibody titer then.  This past weekend I went home to Evansville to visit my family so Michael could paint the nursery, and he is an excellent painter.  He told me the paint color turned out nicely...  I can't wait to see it when we bring baby home!

 Here are some 25 week prego statistics for you:

Belly Button: In
Best Moment: Feeling baby kick and listening to Jake talk about the baby(He will be such a great big brother to baby)
Blood Pressure: 106/70
Cravings: This month it's been Jalapeno Pizza and Ghirardelli Caramel Chocolate
Food Aversions: Eggs...still!
Gender: ???
Maternity Clothes: Yes and proud of it!
Movement: Constant!  This baby moves much more than what Jake did.
Sleep:  Not the greatest the past couple of weeks...I miss my 8 hours!
Stretch Marks: Not yet...please be kind to me baby!
Symptoms: My lower back and hips are still sore, but Michael is an excellent masseuse ;)
Weight: 135lb(up 5lb...11 lb total)

21 Weeks

22 Weeks

23 Weeks

24 Weeks

25 Weeks

Pregnancy Journal...20 Weeks

Here we are again!  As of yesterday I am 20 weeks along, and I feel amazing!  As stated previously, I LOVE the second trimester of pregnancy.  I've started running and doing yoga once again as well as taking Jake swimming on the days that I have off from work.  Michael and I have been trying to introduce Baby #2 to Jake, but I'm not sure he has gotten the concept of what is happening.  However, when I ask him "where's the baby?" he points to my belly and says "baby".  He will even kiss and hug my belly...how sweet is that?  I think he will be an amazing big brother.  I have to be honest, I feel bad that we're going to turn Jake's world upside down by giving him a sibling so I've been spoiling him just a little bit.

This pregnancy has been pretty similar to my pregnancy with Jake.  There have been a few differences: I have felt this baby move earlier and way more than what I did with Jake, I still have those pesky antibodies floating through my blood( my titer is 1:2, the normal titer is 1:1), and I'm not eating as much with this pregnancy.  We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning and everything looks perfect.  As far as measurements go everything is at or above average with the exception of the baby's femur (which isn't surprising since Michael and I are about as tall as midgets).  I have decided that I want to be surprised as far as knowing the sex of the baby.  The only person who knows is Michael, and he plans to decorate the nursery himself.  We've decided what we want as far as decorations go for the nursery, and we have finally decided on names for the baby.  For a boy: Joshua Clark.  For a girl: Madeline Elizabeth.

Here are some prego stats for you:
     Belly Button: In
     Best Moment This Week: It's a toss up between Jake hugging and kissing my belly and the ultrasound I had this morning.
     Cravings: Veggie subs from any sandwich place I can find
     Food Aversion: Eggs...I just can't do them.
     Gender: ???
     Maternity Clothes: Yep :) (so far just a pair of jeans and a tank top)
     Morning Sickness: Nope :)
     Movement: All the time!
     Sleep: About 7-8 hr at night (Thank you Jake for being an excellent sleeper from the beginning!)
     Stretch Marks: Not yet(knock on wood)
     Symptoms: My hips and lower back are a little sore, but I'm assuming it's from carrying the extra weight while running.
     Weight: 130lb (up 4lb...7lb total)

16 Weeks

                                                                

17 Weeks

18 Weeks

19 Weeks

20 Weeks

Pregnancy Journal...Catching Up

I'm very blessed to announce that I am 16 weeks pregnant, and I have decided to keep a journal/blog of my pregnancy journey.  I didn't keep one with Jake, and I regret it because as time keeps on going the memories are becoming more and more distant, which makes me sad.

Michael and I decided to create an addition to our growing family.  Jake has been such an incredible blessing in our lives that we decided to give him a playmate.   We stopped preventing in late February and on St. Patty's Day I found out I was pregnant.  Hooray!  Due November 24, 2014.  My excitement was cut a little short because at 6 weeks I started spotting.  After a blood draw, a vaginal ultrasound(OUCH), and a speculum I found that everything was okay.  About a week later the spotting stopped.  Sometimes spotting just happens in the first trimester for no particular reason.  Before I became pregnant I signed up for a half marathon, and I was planning on continuing training for it but the growing baby inside had other plans.  At about 7 weeks I started vomiting all the time, and I was exhausted.  My race was April 12 which put me at about 8 weeks.  At the last minute I switched from a half marathon to an 8K.  I'm proud to say that I completed my 8K in fifty minutes...and as soon as I crossed the finish line I threw up in the nearest trash can.  Exhaustion and vomiting sums up the majority of my first trimester of this pregnancy.  I was tired with Jake, but I never vomited.  After my 9 week appointment I received a phone call from my OB telling me my blood work showed antibodies, which is odd because Michael's blood type is A- and mine is B-.  My OB isn't sure why these antibodies are building up, but the good news is that the normal titer is 1:1 and my antibodies are 1:2.  What this means is that I get the pleasure of being poked at every. single. OB appointment that I have from here on out.  I have had four blood draws and each time my titer has been 1:2.  So lets just say a prayer those levels don't increase.  I try extremely hard not to think about the 'what ifs', but that's difficult given my work experience in NICU...which brings me to my next point: I try my best not to worry about every little thing that could go wrong.  When I was pregnant with Jake I didn't take the time to enjoy it because I spent every waking moment worrying about what could go wrong.  I don't want to worry during this pregnancy like I did with Jake. 

Can I just say that I absolutely adore the second trimester of pregnancy?  When I hit 14 weeks I had a sudden burst of energy and I didn't feel the need to vomit every second of the day.  Love the second trimester!  Love it love it love it!  I've started running again, I'm much more interactive with my son (as opposed to just laying on the couch while my toddler reeks havoc in the house),and I don't feel completely worn out after my twelve hour shift at work.  My 16 week appointment was today, I've gained two pounds in one month, and my antibody levels are the same (1:2).

Here are some 16 wk prego stats:
Weight: 126(up 2 pounds)
Morning sickness: Not anymore!
Cravings: fruit and barbecue sandwiches
Food Aversions: chicken, bacon, and eggs (depending on how they're cooked)
Maternity Clothes: not yet, just my belly belt
Stretch Marks: not yet
Belly Button: in

                                                           *How I told Michael I was pregnant

                                                           *8 Weeks

                                                              *12 Weeks

                                                               *15 Weeks

                                                               *And most "important" the Facebook announcement

Two Years of Jake

Better late than never...This is the video I made for Jake for his 2nd Birthday.

12

John 14:2


I miss you every.single.day.

I Wish I Knew How To Tell You

 This can pretty much sum it up for me.  As much as I'd like to take credit for this, I can't.  It's extremely difficult to express the details of my job, but the person who wrote this excerpt does an amazing job.  The poem is about the career of a pediatric respiratory therapist. 

On Being a Pediatric Respiratory Therapist: I Wish I Knew How To Tell You...

I wish that when asked how my day was, I knew how to give a truthful answer. I wish I could really express what a shift is like, and know I would be understood.

If I really answered truthfully, I might start off with how many times I saw a child smile. I might tell you about the tears I wiped. I could tell stories about the kids I made laugh. I could tell you about the kids I made cry.

I might tell you about the parents I consoled, reassured, encouraged.

I might tell you about the family that thanked me, and the family that pushed me away.

I might tell you how many times I grew frustrated. Or how many times I felt annoyed. I might tell you about how many times I thought my headache couldn't get any worse.

I might tell you how I taught a new RT, and how I learned from an old colleague.

Maybe I would tell you about the stickers I stuck, the pages I colored, and the toys played with to entertain.

I could tell you about the call bells that rang; the Vents that beeped; the IPV’s that chugged, The Cough Assists that clicked.

I could tell you all about High EtCo2, the worrisome lung compliance, or the child who was fine, and then suddenly, wasn't.

I could tell you how many gloves I put on, airways I suctioned, and trachs that where changed.

I could tell you about the tricks I use to sneak in an assessment on a three-year-old; the games we play so they will take their meds; and how in order to auscultate a five-year-old's chest, I have to pretend I'm listening for monsters.

If I were to tell you what my day was like, I might tell you that my hands will always feel sticky from hand sanitizer, and no matter how much I wash, "that smell" won't seem to go away.

I could tell you how funny it is to hear a two-year-old say "stethoscope," and how heart breaking it is to hear a child whisper, "I just want to go home."

I might tell you that today I heard a child's first word. Or saw his first steps. Or watched a premie finish her first whole bottle. I might tell you about the father who fed her, who took this small victory as a sign of hope.

I might tell you how the bravest person I know is an eight-year-old. Or the happiest person I know is a two-year-old with a medical history as old as she is.

I might tell you about a moment of joy, shared with a family, a patient, a colleague.

I might tell you how many times I felt my heart break.

I can tell you about the steps I walked; the hands I held; the songs I sang to put them to sleep.

If I could really talk about how my day was, I might tell you about the decisions I made. The priorities I set. Or about my "RT intuition" that told me when I should start being concerned.

I could tell you about the orders I questioned. The orders I should have questioned. The split second decision I made. The carefully calculated words I chose.

I could tell you how I fought for my patient. I could tell you how my patient fought me.

I could talk about how I taught a parent to be the RT to their child that they never wanted to have to be.

I could tell you how that parent taught me about hope.

I could tell you about the moments of panic. The moments of empowered confidence. How smoothly our team functioned. How resourceful we can be.

I'd want to tell you about the breaths we gave; the lives we saved; the lives we couldn't save.

I might share with you those moments when I just didn't know what to say. Or the times I realized there was nothing I could say.

I could tell you how often we see a child and family suffering and think that maybe enough is enough. I could tell you about all the times we think that everything will never be enough. I would struggle to tell you how hard it is to say goodbye; I'd have a harder time telling you how sometimes saying goodbye can be a relief.

I might tell you how many times I thought, "This isn't easy."

I could tell you how hard it is to be a pediatric respiratory therapist. I could tell you how rewarding it is.

I could talk about these things, if I thought I might be understood. Instead, I'll say, "It was good."

Pray

Pray

I bow my head to pray, I don't know what to say
I'm not sure how to fix the things I'm dealing with
I'm in a desperate place, I need to share the weight
But I just don't know how, to let it all pour out

Though I'm silent, my heart is crying
‘Cause I was made to come to You

So I pray
God I need You more than words can say
Right here in this moment
You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray

I failed to find the time, but You've been calling out
I let the days go by as if I could live without
But it's gotta be here now, I won't be pulled away
Cause it's just You and I, so let the world around us fade

As I pray
God I need You more than words can say
Right here in this moment
You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray
I'm gonna pray

Father, I'm in a desperate place
Father, I know You can bear the weight
Father, Take me in Your arms as I speak Your name
I lift my hands and pray
I lift my hands and pray

You know my heart, You know my need
And every single part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray
I'm gonna pray

You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
More than words, You want my life
Take it as an offering

~Sanctus Real~

I think this is a good way to describe how I've been feeling for the past 17 months