It's hard for me to write this letter. It's a reminder that you are actually gone. It's been so long since I've spoken to you when you were of sound and mind. I never imagined that I would be writing this letter to you. After all, it's not as if you can read it and respond.
I'm writing this letter because I used to write to you all the time when I was a child. You always responded and were so loving in your responses. I would tell you about school, my family, and my friends. It was always so nice to visit you. Visiting you was one of my best childhood memories.
It broke my heart to see you in October 2014. I wasn't prepared to see you deteriorating. You were losing your short term memory. You asked me several times when my baby was due and what the sex of the baby was. I responded gently that I was due November 24, and we wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise. Each time you smiled and said, "that's so nice."
When we said goodbye you put your hands on my face and told me I was beautiful and said, "I still remember you". You had tears in your eyes. That was such a wonderful gift. I stood and hugged you for what seemed like a lifetime trying to remember all of the times you hugged me as a child.
I know that you're not suffering any longer. I guess my sadness stems from selfishness. Alzheimers Disease robbed you from us, and I hate that. I'm glad Jake got to meet you. He will be so lucky if he can remember you. He was only two, but I hope he remembers.
I'll miss you so much. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your Memorial Service. I'm sure it was beautiful. I love you so much.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Posted by Katie at 5:04 PM
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
I've seen my fair share of death in the seven years that I have been an RT. I've never been able to figure out what happens during that fragile time between life and death. Unfortunately I won't ever know until it is my time to go. I've done compressions, bagged, assisted in intubations to save a life. I do everything that I am trained to do, but it's not enough. My heart goes out to the patients who are laying helpless on that hospital bed. There's nothing worse than a physician stopping a code. It's cold, frustrating and all around shitty. It feels strikingly similar to failing, and it sucks. The dead have a crazy way of haunting me. I think about what that patient experiences when we're coding them.
What happens after? Do they stay with us while we're cleaning them up? Are they asking "why did you give up on me?" Or are they saying, "it's okay, I'm fine now."? These are questions that I'll never have answers to. These are questions that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Posted by Katie at 7:36 PM
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Well, at least I'm a creature of habit. I believe Joshie was 7 months old the last time I posted. He just turned 10 months old! How did that happen?! Here are some stats and comparison to big brother:
8 Months: July 23, 2015
Weight: 20 lb 7 oz
Eating habits: Three meals a day with a night time bottle
Sleeping: 12 hours at night with two naps during the day
Disposition: Josh is the sweetest baby ever! He continues to be so laid back, and he is very inquisitive! He adores his grandparents and big brother.
|Josh at 8 Months|
|Jake at 8 Months|
Weight: 21 lb 4 oz
Eating Habits: Three meals a day plus a night time bottle. I've tried oranges, pineapples and eggs this month. I love the oranges!
Sleeping: Twelve hours at night plus 1-2 naps a day
Immunizations: Hepatitis B and Flu
Disposition: So laid back and sweet! He's into everything. He army crawls all over the place, and Josh had his first trip to St. Vincent ER this month because he fell down the stairs. Luckily no damage was done, I think his fall scared Michael and I more than him.
|Josh at 9 Months|
|Jake at 9 Months|
|Jake at three years|
Friday, July 17, 2015
I'm quite the redundant one...Here is my typical speech: I promise I'll post more, I'm a terrible blogger blah, blah, blah. Last time I posted Josh was three months old...now he is SEVEN months old! How did that happen? Wasn't it just yesterday I was seven months pregnant with him? Why is the time going by so fast?! Lets talk stats shall we?
4 Months: March 23, 2015
Weight: 15 lb 12 oz
Eating Habits: 7 ounces of formula plus baby food: apples, pears, sweet potatoes and rice cereal.
Sleeping: 12 hours at night baby!
Disposition: Joshie is extremely laid back and SO happy! He rolls all over the place just like Jake did at that age. My boys are incredible!
|Josh 4 Months|
|Jake 4 Months|
Weight: 19 lb
Eating Habits: Josh continues to eat every three hours. He has seven ounces of formula along with 1-2 tbsp of baby food. His newest food he absolutely loves is butternut squash.
Sleeping: Josh consistently takes two naps a day and sleeps twelve hours at night.
Disposition: Josh is so happy! He adores Jake! Josh smiles and coos all the time! I'm pretty sure I'm his favorite person ever, which melts my heart.
|Josh- 5 Months|
|Jake- 5 Months|
Weight: 19 lb
Eating: Eating baby food and seven ounces of formula every three hours and growing like a weed!
Sleeping: Two naps a day along with twelve hours of sleep at night!
Disposition: Laid back Joshie! He is starting to have stranger anxiety. He's unsure about those he doesn't see often. He loves both sets of grandparents and of course big brother Jake. It's very sweet to watch them interact together. Josh loves Jake!
|Josh- 6 Months|
|Jake- 6 Months|
Weight: 20 lb
Eating Habits: Josh has started to eat three meals a day plus his night time bottle. He has tried peas, mangos, green beans and squash. The kid can pack away the food!
Sleeping Habits: He still sleeps twelve hours at night plus two naps during the day.
Disposition: What a sweet baby! His lower central incisors popped through this month, and the army crawling has begun. The first thing Josh goes after are Jake's toys. Poor Jake isn't too keen on Joshie touching his toys let alone trying to take them. Jake has been pretty patient with Joshie and loves him so much! He is an amazing big brother. I am so proud to be the mama of two wonderful little boys!
|Josh- 7 Months|
|Jake- 7 Months|
|Jake The Snake|
|My boys: Jake and Josh|
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Who would have thought similarities existed between toddlers and drunk people? I am shocked! No one ever told me this before I had children. Here are a few similarities I have noticed:
- They run into EVERYTHING!
- They pee on the floor, the wall and in public.
- They constantly have their hands down their pants.
- They are not ashamed to pull their pants down in public.
- They can pass out anywhere at anytime.
- They are not afraid to steal your food.
- They trip over objects.
- They drop every little thing.
- They slur their speech.
- They try to dance on tabletops.
- They leave hand prints on EVERYTHING!
|Jake asleep STANDING up!|
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
B.C (before children) I never realized how much judgment and unsolicited advice I would receive from friends, family and strangers on pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood. I made a list of some of the most outrageous comments said to me, and what I wish I would have said.
11."Oh look, you still have a pooch(while patting my belly 4 days after giving birth). I'm still speechless...